


wanted: dead or alive

by tinybox



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Friendship, Ice Cream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinybox/pseuds/tinybox
Summary: Whether or whether not Robert is actually a fugitive on the run from the feds, he's still pretty good company.Well, aside from the fact that he seems intent on eating all of your ice cream.
Kudos: 16





	wanted: dead or alive

It's just another Tuesday night, and I have business plans involving a very important meeting with my recliner, a large carton of chocolate ice cream, a book of word jumbles, and hours and hours of trashy reality tv shows. 

Flipping over to a random page, I do a run-over all the words that need to be unjumbled.

Let's see here...

**L A B L**

That one spells BALL.

**E R E T**

TREE.

**O T B O**

BOOT.

Wow, I'm making quick progress; I just have one more word to go before I finish this section.

**A R I A N I S S E M E I D I S N T T A B L I A N T S H**

Oh god, I have no clue what the last word could possibly be. There are just...so many letters, and my brain is already beginning to hurt. If only I'd read more as a child, then maybe I'd be able to decode this! 

Hang on a second, I know someone who reads a lot. Maybe they'll be able to help me figure out the last jumble.

**You: Hugo, I hate to bother you on a Tuesday night, but I need some help.**

**You: I'm trying to solve a word jumble, and one of them is A R I A N I S S E M E I D I S N T T A B L I A N T S H**

**You: Do you have any ideas?**

Time to check out what's on TV right now; with my trusty remote control, I begin the traditional art of mindlessly flipping through channels in order to find something passably interesting to watch.

**_"Call now to receive your cheap as free bag of air! Only twenty dollars!"_ **

Flip.

_**"Jeepers, what are we going to do now, Chad? Our car seems to have been s-s-stolen by vampires!"** _

_**"Not again!"** _

Flip.

_**"Turn your oven up to 3500 degrees, then firmly shove your bison in. Be sure to tie up all the limbs beforehand, so you won't end up getting kicked in the face!"** _

Flip.

There really isn't anything good on TV at 7pm on a Tuesday night. I could just watch funny cat videos online, but I don't want to get up and walk all the way over to my computer. Amanda's always telling me I can watch videos on my phone, but personally, I think the screen is too small to get a good viewing experience. 

**_bzzt! bzzt!_**

Hey, is that my phone?

Looks like Hugo responded.

**Hugo: Honestly, I have no clue.**

**Hugo: Maybe you could ask Brian? I heard he likes word jumbles as well.**

**You: I might do that. Thanks!**

**Hugo: No problem.**

There's no _way_ I'm going to text Brian for help- my fragile Dad ego would no doubt shatter into pieces if I found out that Brian's better than me at yet another activity. 

_**bzzt!** _

_**bzzt!** _

_**bzzt!** _

Huh, did Hugo figure out the jumble? 

**Robert: hey**

**Robert: hey**

**Robert: wyd**

Okay, try and keep it cool. Amanda may not be around right now, but it's not like I need her help to act cool. I'm totally cool. I'm so cool, it should be illegal.

**You: Right now, I'm watching tv and eating ice cream directly out of the carton.**

**Robert: nice**

**You: I even followed your advice and bought the ice cream of slightly better quality.**

**Robert: im proud of you**

**Robert: so**

**Robert: what would u do if i, hypothetically speaking, was standing by your front door rn**

**You: ...**

**You: Are you outside my house?**

**Robert: i plead the fifth**

**You: ...**

**You: The door's unlocked**

"Hey," Robert says casually, leaning against the now open door. "I was just passing by and I figured this place would be as good as any to lay low from the feds for a while. Also," Robert continues, reaching into his jacket pocket, "I brought along a bribe in exchange for your silence."

He tosses me the object; using my superior Dad reflexes, I catch it easily, only fumbling with said item a total of three times. 

It's a little wooden carving of Betsey. 

How adorable.

"What an excellent bribe," I compliment. "I promise not to sell you out to the government. But, you know, even without a bribe, I still wouldn't rat you out. "

"That's what they all say," Robert tells me with a serious expression. "But I think I can trust you...for now."

We look at each other for a moment in silence, then we both laugh. Well, I laugh, and Robert smirks and let's out an amused huff.

"Do you wanna come in?" I ask. "I have an extra carton of ice cream that I might be persuaded to share."

"Are you sure you didn't get the shitty brand?" Robert questions, stepping inside and closing the door quietly behind him. I shrug, showing him the carton I'm currently eating from. He eyes it judgmentally. 

"I wouldn't call this quality ice cream," Robert eventually says, "but I wouldn't turn down a bowl." 

"You can have a whole carton," I promise, getting up from my recliner. "Just wait right here, and I'll get you one," I call back as I head into the kitchen. 

As I open the freezer, I hear the TV channel change.

**_"At the time, he became the massive social networking rumor. The public, especially his fans, are shocked."_ **

Let's see...I have a small pint of strawberry ice cream, and a larger pint of mint chocolate chip. 

"Do you want strawberry ice cream, or mint chocolate chip ice cream?" I call into the living room.

Robert doesn't respond, so I decide to bring out both. 

**_"He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively."_**

Robert's now sitting on the couch, eating ice cream straight out of the carton, his eyes fixated on the screen, which is playing some kind of news feed. Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what the segment's about, or even what the person is saying.

Something about Bruno Mars?

"Do you want mint chocolate chip or-"

I stop short, realizing something I should have noticed earlier. 

"Is that...are you're eating my ice cream?"

Robert gives me a flat stare. "You can't prove anything in court," he says seriously, sounding so sincere that, if there hadn't been a ring of ice cream evidence around his mouth, I might have believed him.

"Is there any chocolate ice cream left?" I ask pathetically. Robert nods, and holds out the carton for me to inspect. Taking a closer look, I see that there's exactly one spoonful-sized portion left. 

"I saved it for you."

"Such a gentleman," I tease. "Well, I suppose you can have the rest. I'll just put these-" I indicate the cartons in my hands- "away."

As I head back into the kitchen, Robert calls, "I hope you don't mind, but I unscrambled that last word for you. It's **antidisestablishmentarianism**."


End file.
